1. Remember when you were a kid and you’d watch the intro to “Little House on the Prairie” and it was so boring, but the only saving grace was watching the kid who played ‘Carrie’ wipe out as she ran down the hill (0:33 - 0:41)?

    I bet the twins who played Carrie FUCKING HATED that intro and still say it was the other one who shot that clip.

    Seriously, watch it NOW.
    Little House on the Prairie production team are a bunch of assholes.
    Why did they use that clip? The show isn’t a comedy and that kid fell and did a SHAME walk after she fell. NO SENSE. MASOCHISTS!


    ADDENDUM!!!!!
    I FOUND AN INTERVIEW (please mentally add [SIC] to every spelling error in the interview) AND I WAS RIGHT GODDAMNIT I’M SO MAD.


    RACHEL: What’s your earliest acting memory?
    I guess my earliest acting memory is when Robyn fell down the hill.

    ROBYN: Could you tell us about the fall in the opening sequence of “Little House on the Prairie”?

    I remember running down the hill & getting going to fast. I fell & then when I got up I remember my Mom was standing by the camera trying to get me to run again & I thought to myself “Nu uh, no way we’ll just walk”. I wouldn’t do it again & Rachel wouldn’t either, so since both takes had falls in them they decided to leave it that way. Who knows maybe that was the inspiration for America’s Funniest Home Video.

    http://zunshine.com/
    lginterview2002.html


  2. 14 Dec 2011   83 notes  
  3. Totally burned by Cosmo Magazine

    I recently wrote this:


    I know the magazine had already wrapped up their December issue when this was set, but that kind of makes the inadvertent burn 100% more effective….



    TOUCHE
    WELL PLAYED, WORLD!!!

    Ps- #4 Was a quote about dry humping, from Cameron Diaz


  4. 09 Nov 2011   109 notes  
  5. the best interview show that isn’t on TV.
    watch them all, but please start with this.

    PS- For the people wondering about the song??
    Diablo’s husband, Dan sang/wrote.


  6. 27 Oct 2011   153 notes  
  7. YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB

    YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB


  8. 14 Oct 2011   528 notes  
  9. THE JESUS WALMART RECIEPT!



    Huh? Wha?
    That is some scary shit right there, but I’ll tell you something?
    It isn’t Jesus. If it’s someone who is alive, it’s a wide eyed Harry Dean Stanton, but I don’t even think this ghoul is him.
    No, it isn’t Jesus, Jesus was hot. I would have had sex with Jesus.
    That’s a face, alright, but it’s the face of the receipt recipients stalker ghost.
    That’s the ghost that tangles jewellery, and when you’re about to fall asleep and you jerk awake, it’s because THAT GHOST is finishing sex with you.
    That’s the face he makes when he’s done finishing sex with you.



    Or, it’s just Harry Dean Stanton.


  10. 18 Jul 2011   50 notes  
  11. Dreamt I met Brad Pitt in The View greenroom

  12. Brad: hey.
  13. Me: hi, my husband is over there kissing a girl. Who do I punch? Him, right?
  14. Brad: yeah, you have to punch him.
  15. Me: I know.
  16. *punch husband repeatedly, return to my chair*
  17. Brad: so?
  18. Me: I feel terrible.
  19. Brad: I know.
  20. *Brad opens arms and I hug him*
  21. Brad: I'm going to call you October Ballerina.
  22. Me: okay. Have a good interview.
  23. Brad: naw, it will be terrible.
  24. Me: it will be great.
  25. *brad stares at me as he's escorted to the stage, longingly, like he's losing the love of his life*


  26. 15 Jul 2011   69 notes  
  27. Oh my god, I would have had such a crush on this swarthy woolen vampire in High School.

    Oh my god, I would have had such a crush on this swarthy woolen vampire in High School.


  28. 10 Jul 2011   101 notes  
  29. ME AT NINE, PERFORMING TO MADONNA IN SUMMER '91! from Robert Jeffrey on Vimeo.

    Robert Jeffery, I’m so glad that you did this when you were nine years old.
    This is what life is about.
    Watching this for days.

    When he sings “SO GET UP ON THE DANCE FLOOR” —- *dead*


  30. 06 Jul 2011   227 notes  
  31. So last night…

    I had a ‘real-time’ dream, like the show ‘24’, where every minute was an actual minute…
    I was at a restaurant, late at night, and Brad Pitt was there and was super intense (not 12 Monkeys intense) and he wanted me to come back to the hotel with him and I DIDN’T. He ASKED me to come back to his hotel room with him, and I thought my dream was REAL and I didn’t! He had a boner when we were hugging goodbye and he was asking me to come back to his room AND I DIDN’T.
     I’m such a fucking decent person, it’s ridiculous.


    ps- Dennis Quaid was there with Brad, but he thought I was bullshit.


  32. 02 Jul 2011   52 notes  

  33. 21 Jun 2011   59 notes  
  34. Henry is so fucking weird.
    We’re watching one of my favorite movies from 1989, ‘The Wizard’.
    There was a short shot of kids on the stairs at VIDEO ARMAGEDDON and Henry said,

    "Hey, that little kid on the end is Spiderman "
    He’s right, it’s Tobey Maguire.




    I thought he was going to say “There’s Abed”


  35. 17 Jun 2011   50 notes  
  36. IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (The Weird And Fantastic Story Of Davids)


    ARQUETTE


    BYRNE

    LACHAPELLE


    HASSELHOFF


    BOWIE


    HOCKNEY


    CROSS


    BLAINE & COPPERFIELD


    TENNANT


    LYNCH


    CROSBY



    SEDARIS


  37. 08 Dec 2010   68 notes  
  38. Guys I liked better when they were fat.

    PRELUDE:
    I’m freaking out a bit. When I google image search for fat Marc Jacobs, it’s REALLY hard to find a fat Marc Jacobs photo. It’s almost like it didn’t exist. I mean, I’ve just googled for 15 minutes straight and cannot find the ‘sweaty taking a bow on the runway’ photos. They used to be all over the place, there was a time when he was only fat.

    Okay, so one guy I liked better fat was Marc Jacobs:


    I’m sure most people disagree with me. He is a fine looking skinny man, but fat Marc just seems so much nicer, skinny Marc is a bitch.

    The second guy is also in fashion.
    Karl Lagerfeld.
    THIS is the Karl I grew up with:

    Goddamn I love Fat Karl.
    German fat Karl. I love him.
    Now we have this Karl:


    WTF KARL! DO NOT WANT!!!



    The Third Guy is Drew Carey.
    And God I love Drew, I’m happy he’s happy and healthy…but I’m not reconciled with the fact that I will probably never (surgery?) see Fat Drew again.
    ADDENDUM: Just read that it wasn’t surgery and he no longer has diabetes, so I guess I can’t wish him fat again, I’ll just have to assimilate the new look into the ‘this is normal now’ file



    Okay, so just for good measure…
    My favorite fat guy gone skinny is Peter Jackson.
    Peter, you look like you ate Dominic Monaghan (far left):


    And then lost the weight and became some half Jackson half Monaghan hybrid


    But oh my god. honey?


    You look so much healthier as a thin man.
    And just think, maybe one day all of your Fat Peter photos will be difficult to google image search, just like old Fat Marc.


  39. 24 Oct 2010   83 notes  

  40. In the 7th grade Stephanie Arnold brought this audio tape to school and it changed our lives.
    Apparently someone working at the cable company had made one copy and then through schools across Canada it went ‘viral’ by tape. TAPE AFTER TAPE was made of this recording. This is Canadian legend that I am unleashing for you, though this version is classier because it has Beethoven’s 9th mixed into it.
    But the guy who made the youtube clip fucked up.
    (Ps- It isn’t ‘Auto Make’ it’s ‘AUTO MAG’)


  41. 21 Oct 2010   86 notes  

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kelly oxford



Twitter:@kellyoxford

1977
Writer
Previously described as: your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Currently described as: your mom.
If I were a mood board you would see:
gold, klonopin, a photo of David Sedaris drinking my breast milk and more gold... gold forever.


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