Sinead blogs “Someone Come and Sex me”
In the 7th grade, while friends were obsessed with NKOTB and Janet Jackson, I was obsessed with Sinead O’Connor.
My parents friends bought her CD, I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got, hated it and gave it to me. I thank God that they did.
I loved Sinead, I love Sinead. She was and is every thing I wished I could be at 12 yrs old and at 34 years old- a fearless storyteller, a ferocious voice.
(I didn’t want to shave my head because my face wasn’t as pretty as hers, I had giant Harry Carray glasses, and I would have been shunned.)
So this morning I read that Sinead posted a ‘singles’ ad on her website. It’s epic.
Reminds me that even at 12, my instincts were good. She is indeed, ferocious.
HERE IS THE PERSONAL AD. I DID NOT FIX HER TYPOS. THEY ONLY ADD TO THE URGENCY OF HER MESSAGE.
My shit-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners. I actually do know a woman who is a performance artist from America. I have a photo of her being escorted arm in arm by two uk police man onto a plane back home cuz she humped a yam in the middle of her show. I just know that’s going to happen to me if I don’t take drastic action.
Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it’s VERY depressing.
So I’ve been pondering on whether or not I should join some Irish dating agencies. Of course if I did it would end up in papers so I may as well save myself the registration fees. Besides which a friend of mine uses dating agencies and half the men actually have wives.
Am in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man.
He must be no younger than 44.
Must be living in Ireland but I don’t care if he is from the planet Zog.
Must not be named Brian or Nigel.
Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous.
Has to be employed. Am not fussy in what capacity generally but vehicle clampers need not apply.
Leather trouser- wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.
I like me a hairy man so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.
No hair gel.
No hair dryer use.
No hair dye
Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.
No after shave.
Must be very ‘snuggly’. Not just wham-bam.
Must be wham-bam.
Has to like his mother.
Has to like his ex and or mother/s of his children.
Has to live in own place.
I must end now as I have a hot date with a banana
Applicants can apply through my secretary at email@example.com
I’ve been repeatedly asked will I ‘do anal sex’. Let me make it very clear.. Any man I contemplate has to be into anal sex.. It was a family paper so they wudnt have printed it but let me now take time to make VERY clear that yes I ‘do anal’ and in fact I would be deeply unhappy if ‘doing anal’ wasn’t on the menu, amongst everything else$$ So if u don’t like ‘the difficult brown’.. Don’t apply… I’ve had reasonable complaints from lesbians that they have been excluded. This was terribly remiss of me and I would now like to make it clear that women will also be very much considered. As will Brians and Nigels.. Since there were complaints there too.
I love Sinead “I’d help Jesus burn down the Vatican” O’Connor.
OR, AS MY 12 YR OLD SELF LIKED TO SAY, I LOVE HER TO THE POWER OF INFINITY
Sinead is on Twitter!
Sinead is fearless and true and good.
Everything I believe in.
RT @howryeh Maybe Adam Clayton wudna turned me down if he’d known I wuda let him nail me in the stink tube.. Said the forlorn chantuese…
- pandavsunicorn likes this
- trashprincesss reblogged this from kellyoxford
- trashprincesss likes this
- seomarketingmaster likes this
- shnooky3 reblogged this from kellyoxford
- lifeasajpeg reblogged this from kellyoxford
- lifeasajpeg likes this
- the-lonely-one-trick-pony likes this
- haleysomething likes this
- haleysomething reblogged this from kellyoxford
- janedonuts reblogged this from kellyoxford and added:
- reekloose said: wow. wow. wow.
- komeller reblogged this from kellyoxford
- kelsyabbott likes this
- stephaniecorral likes this
- zeneveryman likes this
- fickleinstructions likes this
- ruthlessjohoney likes this
- awkward-poo likes this
- skittlesbeard reblogged this from kellyoxford
- marlahooch likes this
- imathers likes this
- topthree likes this
- kguthr2 reblogged this from kellyoxford and added:
- eleanorpie reblogged this from kellyoxford and added:
- allthefuss reblogged this from kellyoxford
- tasteslikecupcakes reblogged this from kellyoxford
- nickilaree likes this
- buddyblanc likes this
- charlessong likes this
- wansome likes this
- cheko-ripper likes this
- bossestbitch reblogged this from kellyoxford
- thervingi likes this
- thewaitisogre likes this
- rlottery reblogged this from robdelaney
- liana likes this
- allthefuss likes this
- dipsomaniax likes this
- jarbarf likes this
- littlepinkdevotional likes this
- teribrown reblogged this from kellyoxford
- butchrosser likes this
- jujugreen3 likes this
- derekzane likes this
- brainbows likes this
- darkarfs likes this
- velveteenrabbit reblogged this from houseofnarcolepsy
- wadcity likes this
- jjwendlain likes this
27 Aug 2011 178 notes