DREAM:
On set. Filming episode of Roseanne.
Int. Kitchen - morning
ROSEANNE is at the sink washing dishes. She’s wearing elastic waistband jeans and a large flower print cotton top. Her hair is set in curlers and she wears no makeup.
DAN enters in a white tank top and carpenters pants. His hair is sweaty and stuck to his face.
Roseanne: Just so you know, I found one.
Dan: What?
Dan grabs an apple with his left hand throws it up in the air, when it comes down he snaps it against his inner elbow and back into the air to catch it with his left hand.
Roseanne: Dan, I found a BABY!
Dan: Oh Rosie, no!!
Dan puts the entire apple into his mouth and swallows. He then swings his left arm around like a fan.
Roseanne: (upset, whining) But DAAAAAN I really want one, what happens when these kids get old and leave and there’s no one to do nothin’ for me around the house anymore Dan?
Dan: ROSE-ANNE!
Dan does the wave with his left arm.
Roseanne: Look if it doesn’t work we can give the baby to Jackie.
Dan looks at Roseanne and pops his open mouth with the palm of his left hand.
Roseanne: Alright. She’d just crate it or somethin’, but maybe she’d settle down Dan, I don’t like that she’s a cop.
Dan starts to put on his shirt. I run onto the set to help him.
He is missing his right arm. I pull his plaid flannel shirt over his stump and help him button it up.
Dan: We can’t get a baby now. I just lost my arm last week. I’m the baby right now Roseanne. I’M THE BABY.
Darlene and DJ enter the kitchen. He’s 4, thin with dark hair and wearing a onesie pajama. Darlene is 12, her hair is in a side ponytail. She is wearing an all jean outfit.
Darlene: I am NOT changing his diaper.
DJ: I’d do it for you Dad.
Roseanne: Aw DJ, don’t ever get smarter okay?
THE END
