1977
Here’s the part where I tease you about Snow in America
Let me preface by saying: I love Americans and I love America. I love their “Rah Rah we’re number #1” I love their willingness to play alpha. I love you, you goddamn beauty.
The only time I hate getting American networks is when it snows in the US.
Canadians don’t like to see you guys acting like such asshole babies. Up here, there are NO snow days, it snows 5 ft - your school is open, the bus is running.
Where’s the “rah rah rah we’re #1” when it snows America? Quit being so weak and shitting yourselves over snow. You’re east coast, not New Mexico. If you aren’t used to seeing so much snow, you have to fake that you are used to it, puff up your chest and go to work. No goddamn excuses, I don’t want to hear “but we don’t have plows”
You’re a goddamn American!
Look you have plows, we have plows, you have vehicles, we have vehicles.
What don’t you guys understand about snow that we do?
I understand driving in this shit is no joke. If you can’t do it, don’t. I’m sure this whole shut-down is likely a case of the “I can’t drive, you can’t drive”
I can appreciate that because it took me at least 3 weeks of driving on straight ice to get used to it when I was A-SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-GIRL!!!
My point here is this:
America likes to come off as such a badass country, and we all LOVE that you guys do it. We need our “tough guy” BUT REMEMBER- by making these storms (which are normal for a lot of other countries) into national events you look like you are pussies.
You need to stop it.
Terrorists don’t need to see your weakness, God knows we can’t save you.
Get more G.I. Joe because the rest of the Northern Hemisphere is shaking it’s head in sadness. We have a case of the sads when we see you so pathetic!!
We need our America back.
GOOD MORNING!
Addendum: I love that a lot of you are responding to this humor essay on how I don’t like tough Americans to sound whiny- with whining.
I know it doesn’t snow a lot in some areas that are getting hit with a lot of snow. Great for you. When it gets sunny in Alaska this summer, and FOX runs a piece on Alaskans who are afraid of getting sunburned I hope you don’t mistakenly find it humorous.
