1. Ten years ago a friend told me her dog was getting her ready for parenthood, so I emailed her this photo, "Yeah, just on my way out to a movie, practicing crate training. Bye!"

    Ten years ago a friend told me her dog was getting her ready for parenthood, so I emailed her this photo,
    "Yeah, just on my way out to a movie, practicing crate training. Bye!"


  2. 23 Apr 2014   339 notes  
  3. “The smarter you get the less you speak”

    – Arabic Proverb

    (Source: 7bottles, via muttylion)

  4. Texts to friend with a daughter named Frankie. #victim

    Texts to friend with a daughter named Frankie. #victim


  5. 22 Apr 2014   54 notes  

  6. 22 Apr 2014   190 notes  
  7. My friend Coco Rochas sent me some of her baublebar pieces. I selfie’d to annoy Molly McNearney. It’s been a good Tuesday.

    My friend Coco Rochas sent me some of her baublebar pieces. I selfie’d to annoy Molly McNearney. It’s been a good Tuesday.


  8. 22 Apr 2014   103 notes  

    sean3116:

    sixpenceee:

    As someone who wants to study the human consciousness I found this very interesting.

    Scott Routley was a “vegetable”. A car accident seriously injured both sides of his brain, and for 12 years, he was completely unresponsive.

    Unable to speak or track people with his eyes, it seemed that Routley was unaware of his surroundings, and doctors assumed he was lost in limbo. They were wrong.

    In 2012, Professor Adrian Owen decided to run tests on comatose patients like Scott Routley. Curious if some “vegetables” were actually conscious, Owen put Routley in an fMRI and told him to imagine walking through his home. Suddenly, the brain scan showed activity. Routley not only heard Owen, he was responding.

    Next, the two worked out a code. Owen asked a series of “yes or no” questions, and if the answer was “yes,” Routley thought about walking around his house. If the answer was “no,” Routley thought about playing tennis.

    These different actions showed activity different parts of the brain. Owen started off with easy questions like, “Is the sky blue?” However, they changed medical science when Owen asked, “Are you in pain?” and Routley answered, “No.” It was the first time a comatose patient with serious brain damage had let doctors know about his condition.

    While Scott Routley is still trapped in his body, he finally has a way to reach out to the people around him. This finding has huge implications.

    SOURCE

    HOLY STEAMING SHITFUCKS

    WHY IS EVERYONE NOT LOSING THEIR SHIT ABOUT THIS

    #Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    (via the-capm)

  9. Bad People

    Bad People


  10. 17 Apr 2014   159 notes  
  11. THE BIG LIFE LESSONS

    image

    Yesterday, at the Rose Bowl flea market, I noticed a 5ft by 5ft painting of a First Nations warrior on a horse in the middle of a buffalo stampede.

    The seller told me the painting was worth $28,000, which of course was completely irrational, the man had it hanging on the side of his van.

    After much haggling (at around $400 he cried out “I can’t take $400! That’s crazy!”) I told him, “I guess maybe $175, PLUS you have to give me one of your cookies.”
    He sighed, “For $20 more I can deliver to Studio City. I need gas money you know.”
    Sharply, I nodded and told him I needed to go for a walk and think about it. As I began to walk away, he shouted, “You’re gonna get me down to $175 and walk away?”


    "Yes sir!" I said.
    The reality is, the value of that $28,000 painting is what people are willing to pay for it.
    And yesterday?
    The value was nothing.
    Sorry dude, the big life lessons are never painless.


  12. 14 Apr 2014   88 notes  
  13. (Source: troyyy, via slashleen)

  14. anokaything:

    pacquiao’s mom

    Morgan Murphy made the best thing.

  15. 13 Apr 2014   67 notes  
  16. #tbt THE 90’S

    #tbt THE 90’S


  17. 03 Apr 2014   72 notes  
  18. Spring breeeeaaaaaaak

    Spring breeeeaaaaaaak


  19. 02 Apr 2014   56 notes  
  20. Group text with my children.

    Group text with my children.


  21. 01 Apr 2014   140 notes  
  22. They’ve all been in my vagina.

    They’ve all been in my vagina.


  23. 25 Mar 2014   332 notes  
  24. FANCY!Thanks to Pret-a-Reporter for making me look like a lady.(click the bold)#digitalstarlets

    FANCY!

    Thanks to Pret-a-Reporter for making me look like a lady.
    (click the bold)
    #digitalstarlets


  25. 25 Feb 2014   120 notes  

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eject

kelly oxford



Twitter:@kellyoxford

1977
Writer
Previously described as: your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Currently described as: your mom.
If I were a mood board you would see:
gold, klonopin, a photo of David Sedaris drinking my breast milk and more gold... gold forever.


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