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About

kelly oxford


Twitter:@kellyoxford

1977
Screenwriter.
Previously described as: your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Currently described as: your mom.
If I was a mood board you would see:
gold, klonopin, a photo of David Sedaris drinking my breast milk and more gold... gold forever.


link directly to blog topics

* kids watching movies
* conversations
* family
* rant
* open letters
* stories
* entertainment
* celebrity cameo dreams
* music monday

Following

12 June 13
Saw some crazy stuff in Bahamas today…

Saw some crazy stuff in Bahamas today…

15 May 13
@shanenickerson thank you so much for that reddit link I have never laughed harder at a phone screen than when I read thisView more Kelly Oxford on WhoSay

@shanenickerson thank you so much for that reddit link I have never laughed harder at a phone screen than when I read this

View more Kelly Oxford on WhoSay

5 May 13

Maybe a cool part about a kid saying they wish you were dead is when you then pretend to die & they panic & then you laugh & laugh at them because what a liar.

Posted: 9:20 AM
Los Angeles, a lot of people are going to want a refund today.

Los Angeles, a lot of people are going to want a refund today.

3 May 13

This photo won’t sell these shorts, shopping website.

image

I mean, if they look like this on a model…

Posted: 5:31 PM

Bea, age 4

  • Bea: Mom, what were the jerks names in your high school?
  • Me: There weren't any.
  • Bea: Wow! There were NO BOYS AT YOUR SCHOOL??
26 April 13
22 April 13
A good curse to put on your enemy is whatever curse someone put on Amanda Bynes.

Before curse:


AFTER CURSE:

4 April 13
I look like I’m shitting on the chair. (I didn’t) (at Today Show)

I look like I’m shitting on the chair. (I didn’t) (at Today Show)

28 March 13
Queen’s English!
Holy Shit Canada!! Thank you!!

Queen’s English!
Holy Shit Canada!! Thank you!!

21 March 13

When Henry was 6

  • Me: You can make your own toast, but don't turn the dial up to ten. Ten burns the bread.
  • Henry: Then why is there a ten?
Posted: 11:10 AM
luckyshirt:

You tried, dog.

luckyshirt:

You tried, dog.

Reblogged: luckyshirt

Posted: 9:50 AM
After 15+ years of putting creative content online for free, I managed to gain the attention of agent representation and sell my work to the American entertainment industry.I chose to self-publish with no hopes of ever having a career, out of the sheer need to be creative (or lose my mind), and from that I inadvertently earned a career.So yeah, alternrg, 100% a big fucking yes. I consider this is an accomplishment.

After 15+ years of putting creative content online for free, I managed to gain the attention of agent representation and sell my work to the American entertainment industry.
I chose to self-publish with no hopes of ever having a career, out of the sheer need to be creative (or lose my mind), and from that I inadvertently earned a career.

So yeah, alternrg, 100% a big fucking yes. I consider this is an accomplishment.

20 March 13
I’m on the front page of CNN.com and I didn’t even murder anyone.View more Kelly Oxford on WhoSay

I’m on the front page of CNN.com and I didn’t even murder anyone.

View more Kelly Oxford on WhoSay

Posted: 12:33 PM

PRETENDERS + 90’s MOOD = THIS

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