1. THE BIG LIFE LESSONS

    image

    Yesterday, at the Rose Bowl flea market, I noticed a 5ft by 5ft painting of a First Nations warrior on a horse in the middle of a buffalo stampede.

    The seller told me the painting was worth $28,000, which of course was completely irrational, the man had it hanging on the side of his van.

    After much haggling (at around $400 he cried out “I can’t take $400! That’s crazy!”) I told him, “I guess maybe $175, PLUS you have to give me one of your cookies.”
    He sighed, “For $20 more I can deliver to Studio City. I need gas money you know.”
    Sharply, I nodded and told him I needed to go for a walk and think about it. As I began to walk away, he shouted, “You’re gonna get me down to $175 and walk away?”


    "Yes sir!" I said.
    The reality is, the value of that $28,000 painting is what people are willing to pay for it.
    And yesterday?
    The value was nothing.
    Sorry dude, the big life lessons are never painless.


  2. 14 Apr 2014   84 notes  
  3. (Source: troyyy, via slashleen)

  4. anokaything:

    pacquiao’s mom

    Morgan Murphy made the best thing.

  5. 13 Apr 2014   68 notes  
  6. #tbt THE 90’S

    #tbt THE 90’S


  7. 03 Apr 2014   70 notes  
  8. Spring breeeeaaaaaaak

    Spring breeeeaaaaaaak


  9. 02 Apr 2014   55 notes  
  10. Group text with my children.

    Group text with my children.


  11. 01 Apr 2014   138 notes  
  12. They’ve all been in my vagina.

    They’ve all been in my vagina.


  13. 25 Mar 2014   322 notes  
  14. FANCY!Thanks to Pret-a-Reporter for making me look like a lady.(click the bold)#digitalstarlets

    FANCY!

    Thanks to Pret-a-Reporter for making me look like a lady.
    (click the bold)
    #digitalstarlets


  15. 25 Feb 2014   117 notes  
  16. Bea wanted her dad to take her to Griffith Park at 7am, in her spy outfit, to listen to trees. #obliged

    Bea wanted her dad to take her to Griffith Park at 7am, in her spy outfit, to listen to trees. #obliged


  17. 17 Feb 2014   310 notes  

    #Canadians


    15 Feb 2014   174 notes  
  18. Apparently this is a bathroom for athletes in Sochi.I definitely had a nightmare about this bathroom 2 years ago. It was in my new gym and I really needed to go, and there were no walls around this area. It was just in the change room….

    Apparently this is a bathroom for athletes in Sochi.

    I definitely had a nightmare about this bathroom 2 years ago. It was in my new gym and I really needed to go, and there were no walls around this area. It was just in the change room….


  19. 07 Feb 2014   168 notes  
  20. you’re clueless

    image


  21. 06 Feb 2014   143 notes  

  22. 04 Feb 2014   46 notes  
  23. Just caught her crying.
She can’t read. 😿

    Just caught her crying.
    She can’t read. 😿


  24. 03 Feb 2014   179 notes  
  25. My eventual mugshot

    My eventual mugshot


  26. 27 Jan 2014   138 notes  

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eject

kelly oxford



Twitter:@kellyoxford

1977
Writer
Previously described as: your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Currently described as: your mom.
If I were a mood board you would see:
gold, klonopin, a photo of David Sedaris drinking my breast milk and more gold... gold forever.


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