1. I always tell my friends not to sniff markers because it killed my great-great grandmother. - Bea

    I always tell my friends not to sniff markers because it killed my great-great grandmother. - Bea


  2. 13 Jul 2014   164 notes  
  3. I understand the instinct to defend your home country


    Famous, “BLUE DOG LAKE” in my home province.
    (Not really called blue dog lake, but really in my home province)

    I’m Canadian, we’re a non-stop punchline…
    But, I am so tired of Americans who tell me to shut up about my opinions about the the US because I, “moved here.”
    I’m sick of hearing, “Canadians move to the US at the first chance they get.” because it’s utter bullshit. Most Canadians call me a moron for moving here.

    Yes, the US entertainment industry can offer me more money than the Canadian industry can.
    Yes, Americans move to shittier countries every day for work opportunities and they complain about the state of affairs in those countries too.

    Anyhow.
    Happy Canada Day.
    I’m allowed to be proud of my country and also live in another.

    I’ve lived in the US for two years today, and I can’t say that moving here for work has been the best decision, but it has definitely been an interesting one.
    PS- For those of the mindset that think “She’s Canadian, fuck her, she doesn’t get to complain and also work here.” I pay a lot of fucking US tax and create jobs for Americans. Bite me.


  4. 01 Jul 2014   277 notes  
  5. This owl seems #chill

    (Source: youtube.com)


  6. 23 Jun 2014   157 notes  
  7. This morning I read about an Uber driver in LA who kidnapped a drunk woman. She woke up in a motel.

    LAPD Lt. Paul Vernon told ABC Los Angeles that he believed Dencer “took advantage of the situation.” Furthermore, though police maintained that no sexual assault occurred, they noted that there was some “fondling through [the woman’s] clothes.”Β 

    This LAPD officer is saying that being ‘fondled through your clothing’ isn’t sexual assault. And no one questioned this statement, and it is repeated in many articles. Google it.

    I’ve become more and more enraged with sexism and misogyny over the past year and I’m not sure where to direct this rage, but one thing is for sure…
    I’m sick of hearing, “Oh, but not all men are like this.” Because, no shit, not all men have disdain for women or speak sexist dialogue. But all women are affected by sexism and misogyny… so let’s just stop making this about men, for one fucking second. Let’s sit back and watch how we speak and how others speak and make our own changes, and teach others when we can.


  8. 04 Jun 2014   477 notes  

    (Source: twoheadedshark, via newsweek)

  9. BEA, age 5, on finding out Maya Angelou passed away

  10. Bea: I bet Oprah is sad.
  11. Me: Yeah.
  12. Bea: But she's just dead; she's out there somewhere and will probably be part of the earth.
  13. Me: Yeah.
  14. Bea: And now you have a chance at taking her spot and being Oprah's friend.


  15. 29 May 2014   360 notes  
  16. TRAILER: “Jesus.” -Gus

HOUSECATS, Season 1

    TRAILER: “Jesus.” -Gus

    HOUSECATS, Season 1


  17. 16 May 2014   205 notes  
  18. Is this going to make me shit like crazy? #shitlikecrazy

    Is this going to make me shit like crazy? #shitlikecrazy


  19. 16 May 2014   53 notes  
  20. 🌟”Did I ever tell you about the time your faces passed through my vagina?”🌟  (at exumas)

    🌟”Did I ever tell you about the time your faces passed through my vagina?”🌟 (at exumas)


  21. 11 May 2014   134 notes  
  22. She caught a fish and named it Danny Tanner.

    She caught a fish and named it Danny Tanner.


  23. 08 May 2014   120 notes  
  24. Hey @mmcnearney here is a selfie to remind you I’m still mentally unstable. #burningtofly #wheelskeeponburning #burninganewleaf #noburningback #burningthetide

    Hey @mmcnearney here is a selfie to remind you I’m still mentally unstable. #burningtofly #wheelskeeponburning #burninganewleaf #noburningback #burningthetide


  25. 06 May 2014   78 notes  
  26. It’s windy. #pleasepray

    It’s windy. #pleasepray


  27. 04 May 2014   64 notes  
  28. Coffee break with my co-workers.

    Coffee break with my co-workers.


  29. 30 Apr 2014   46 notes  
  30. The best way to buy a porno mag is when you’re in it. May Playboy. Article.  
FYI- that is not my bush in photos, you can tell by the nails.

    The best way to buy a porno mag is when you’re in it. May Playboy. Article.
    FYI- that is not my bush in photos, you can tell by the nails.


  31. 24 Apr 2014   40 notes  
  32. Ten years ago a friend told me her dog was getting her ready for parenthood, so I emailed her this photo, "Yeah, just on my way out to a movie, practicing crate training. Bye!"

    Ten years ago a friend told me her dog was getting her ready for parenthood, so I emailed her this photo,
    "Yeah, just on my way out to a movie, practicing crate training. Bye!"


  33. 23 Apr 2014   338 notes  

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eject

kelly oxford



Twitter:@kellyoxford

1977
Writer
Previously described as: your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Currently described as: your mom.
If I were a mood board you would see:
gold, klonopin, a photo of David Sedaris drinking my breast milk and more gold... gold forever.


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