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About

kelly oxford


Twitter:@kellyoxford

1977
blogging since 1997.
Previously described as: your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Currently described as: your mom.
If I was a mood board you would see:
gold, ativan and a photo of David Sedaris drinking my breast milk.


link directly to blog topics

* kids watching movies
* conversations
* family
* rant
* open letters
* stories
* entertainment
* celebrity cameo dreams
* music monday

Following

30 January 12

Muppets opinion on FOX News

28 January 12
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Bea wrote her first song.

It’s a mashup.
Still in shock that she pays attention to the different types of men in my ipod.

Posted: 12:57 PM
‘look how fat I can make my face’- Bea

‘look how fat I can make my face’- Bea

27 January 12

Driving through a strip mall parking lot with my 10 year old, Sal

  • Sal: Peking House? Isn't that Chinese?
  • Me: Yeah.
  • Sal: BILL'S PEKING HOUSE? BILL? Doesn't sound very authentic.
26 January 12
I AM REALLY BAD AT PACKING FOR 3 DAYS.I don’t even have a skirt.HELP. Used to take photos of the things I was packing. Thank you, Leandra, for reminding me that I can use polyvore.

I AM REALLY BAD AT PACKING FOR 3 DAYS.
I don’t even have a skirt.
HELP.
Used to take photos of the things I was packing.
Thank you, Leandra, for reminding me that I can use polyvore.

Posted: 2:34 PM
This week’s delivery.** The Madewell sandals are very light and fit well. I went half a size up like they suggested, and bought multiple colors. :(

This week’s delivery.

** The Madewell sandals are very light and fit well.
I went half a size up like they suggested, and bought multiple colors. :(

Posted: 10:31 AM

HOLY SHIT!!

I’ve had three of these things and I can confirm, THIS WOMAN IS HARD CORE MENTALLY FOCUSED!!!!!!

UPDATE!!!!
Molly McNearney, the head writer at Jimmy Kimmel Live, shared this with me this morning. They talk about it on the show tonight and the DAD VIDEOTAPING THE BIRTH will be on the show on Monday.

23 January 12

I hate that I like this

Sorry this is basically a sony ad, but the results ACTUALLY freaked me out.
I’m sure there are a ton of these around, but this was the first I’ve seen.
Stare at the red dot on her nose for 30 seconds.
Look at the ceiling and blink really quickly.

WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN!?!?!?!
WHAT
THE
FUCK….

20 January 12

Beatrix, age 3, watching a Bowflex commercial.

  • Bea: That lady was too fat to get on that machine, but then her baby came out of her butt and now she can do it. Babies come out of butts, so that means babies are food.
Posted: 2:04 PM
And she’s out. #weeklongfever #flu (Taken with instagram)

And she’s out. #weeklongfever #flu (Taken with instagram)

Posted: 1:29 PM
“look in my eye” (Taken with instagram)

“look in my eye” (Taken with instagram)

Posted: 11:32 AM

My Sister Discovers The Pleasures of Red Dead Redemption

stephenfalk:

I’m OBSESSED w/red dead redemption. I rented it ‘for a day’ from Blockbuster and now I’m just going to buy it. It’s insanely fun. I got my horse super loyal and then accidentally ran him off a cliff hunting for deer. I honestly almost cried when I realized he was dead. I was stunned. I sat there whistling for him and being depressed at the fact that he wasn’t coming anymore for about 5 min. Then I shot a bandit and took his horse. It’s not the same :(

          

YES!!!
Henry came upstairs the other day and said,
“Where’s Dad, I need help. I accidentally ran over a guy’s dog with my horse and now the whole town is trying to kill me.”

Reblogged: stephenfalk

17 January 12

Told by the 3 year old Beatrix

  • Bea: Do robots have hearts?
  • Me: No, they are machines.
  • Bea: No Mom, the golden robot from Star Wars has a heart. It's behind glass, in his chest, you're so wrong!
Posted: 11:07 AM

NBC PILOT UPDATE


PLEASE PRAY.



Posted: 9:25 AM
I’ll tell you what -44F feels like, because I was just outside. It feels like 10x the coldest cold you can imagine feels like. It’s unsurvivable. You physically go into shock when it hits your skin.  You know when you touch ice and it freezes to your skin and burns? That’s the air.

I’ll tell you what -44F feels like, because I was just outside.
It feels like 10x the coldest cold you can imagine feels like.
It’s unsurvivable.
You physically go into shock when it hits your skin.
You know when you touch ice and it freezes to your skin and burns?
That’s the air.

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